July 4, 2005 - Chasing Rabbits

*******************************"Chasing Rabbits" cliffnotes available at bottom of Page**************************

It's like when you're hiking on a trail when you come to a view point, or a clearing in the trees, and all of a sudden you can see not only where you've come from, but where you're going and why. This past week in Indiana was an unexpected blessing, a true time of retreat.
Now don't get me wrong, Indiana is a fine state, but it's always hard for me to get excited for a week of training and meetings in air-conditioned buildings when I know how beautiful Oregon can be this time of year. And this year was no exception. Marla and I left Oregon about 10 days ago for a time of eXtreme Walk training combined with OMS's annual celebration. Excitement and anticipation were not the words I would have used to sum up our emotions, but for various reasons we had to go. So, with spirits weary from the past couple months, we packed our carry-on's and headed to the airport.
A shot of hot heat and air so thick you could drink it, greeted us immediately when we stepped off of our plane in Indianapolis at 10:30 at night. We were picked up and stayed the night with friends before leaving late the next morning to the campus of Indiana Wesleyan University. Located in Marion Indiana, the campus was beautiful and the facilities were great, but the hour and a half drive through cornfields and farmland left you with the overwhelming impression that you were in the middle of a John Melanic camp song...a small town in middle America.
Though this was my first time to eXtreme Walk training, I was no stranger to the OMS training that started late Saturday afternoon. As a veteran of 2 "Cross trainings," multiple church planting seminars, discipleship trainings, fund raising training, and pre-feild orientations, I have logged over 10 weeks of formal training in my relatively short OMS career. At times it has seems that I have been in training longer than I have been in any one particular country. This experience, combined with the reluctancy to leave Oregon produced within me a "been there, done that" attitude that I tried to hide the first evening of training. Eventually the chip on my shoulder fell off, and I was able to genuinely enjoy being there.
As was the case every night of training, the 9 of us finished our day together with a time of praise and worship, Bible study, and prayer. It was during one of these times that God began to deal with me. He brought to my attention that slowly I had been taking back control of areas I had committed to Him, namely our future. He had called me to a life of faith. He called me to believe that He would direct our path in His time. Just like when Abraham was called, we stepped out into a promise, not a destination. A confidence that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper. Plans to give us a hope and a future. But the secret of all of this is faith. Abraham walked a long way before He knew where His land would be. It sounds great on paper and in hind sight, but living constantly with this ambiguity is difficult. It seemed easier when I was single. My decisions effected me, and even if God were to fail (if that were even possible), I alone would be the one to take the fall. But when I said "I do" I committed to put Marla's needs and her welfare above my own. These last few months have been kind of hard for her. I've been living out of a suitcase for the last few years, so this past year was nothing new to me. But 12 months with nowhere to call her own has been hard on Marla. So slowly, in my mind, I had built up a long range plan. One that included the American dream; 2.5 kids, white house with picket fence. As my friends have started to settle down and purchase houses and start families, I've slowly began to accept their situation as ideal and their plans as secure. I guess the old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" was slipping into my thinking. But that may not be what God has for us. And that night as we were singing and praying, He asked me again to let go. To let go of my plans and expectations, and to be open to go where he would have me go.
A million reasons and justifications ran through my head. What about Marla? What about providing for her? In the midst of this internal conflict His voice gently replied "Marla does not look to you for her provision. She trusts herself to Me." My primary justification now disarmed, I scrambled mentally for another good reason why I should not let go of these fantasies, but they would not come. And I knew at the heart of my reasoning was fear and doubt. And so, with trembling fingers I once again let go.
I want to take just a moment to say, as a husband, what an incredible blessing it is to have a wife who trusts herself to God. Not that her faith enables me to be irresponsible, but the fact is; her trust in God (down to the core of her being) gives me, as the head of our family, a freedom to follow where He leads. How blessed I am, Thank you Tom and Linda for the example you set.
The next morning my spirit was lighter than it had been in months. And even training was more interesting. Ironically, the letting go of the American Dream for Marla and I was kind of liberating. Like a pastor later that week would say "the problem with chasing two rabbits, is that you catch neither one," I had let one rabbit go, and begin focusing on the other. And slowly, throughout the week, joy and excitement began replacing the weariness that we had come to Indiana with. The passion was returning. I'll say it again, the passion was returning.
Up to that point, my passion for what I was doing was on the decline. Not that I tried to let it show, or even admit it to myself, but slowly the passion that had fueled everything I did was drying up. I didn't know why, and I even felt guilty because of it. If I would have slowed down enough to face it, I feared the growing apathy and an "Eee-oor" complex in my own life. As the week went on and our training ended and OMS celebration began, each speaker seemed to develop further this lesson He was teaching me. It is funny that we as people think we know better than the creator what is best for our hearts. It reminds me of a small kid holding a balloon that desperately wants it inflated. He can blow into it a little bit, but his lungs aren't strong enough to inflate his balloon as it was designed to be inflated. So too our hearts are designed to be filled with passion, and it is only when we let them go that the Master can inflate them with His passion. For years I couldn't pray the prayer "Lord break my heart for the things that break yours," because I was afraid of the consequences. What if he broke my heart for a people around the world? What if my kids had to grow up away from their grandma and grandpa? Wouldn't it be safer if I could tell God where I wanted to be passionate? As I clinched the balloon and asked God to blow into it, I never stopped and thought of the consequences of not letting go. What if Abraham would have said "God, because You have asked me I've left my city, and followed you to the edge of my county, but this is far enough." An entire generation of Israelites said that, and never saw God's promises fulfilled. How tragic. Saying "I'll do what You say, but I'm only going part way" is chasing two rabbits.
Your right, it is scary. Following Him is always a risk. He does things like asking people to leave without telling them where they are going. Asking people to believe before they are healed. What He asks makes no worldly sense, but you have to ask yourself which rabbit are you chasing? I look for safety and security for me and my family. I've heard that the safest place to be is in the palm of God's hand. But I also know that He allowed His disciples to be martyred. That millions have died for the faith. That His road is not always easy. But I believe like C.S. Lewis wrote "safe?... no He's not safe. But He is Good." And as I take confidence in His goodness, my heart swells and my passion returns.
All of a sudden Marla and I are back to having no idea where God will lead in a year. We don't know if our boxes will ever get unpacked, but we know that we are in good company. Not only people from the Bible but people all around us. As we looked around the auditorium at the OMS celebration we were surrounded by a cloud of witnesses to His goodness, to His faithfulness. People of character that had been refined by His fire. And I took courage that through the decisions, fires, and years, their commitment, their passion, and likeness of Christ displayed through their lives only increased. I know how I want to finish, and knowing this helps me to know which direction to run, which rabbit to chase. And our joy is restored.
As far as prayer request, please continue to pray that Marla's visa would be granted and that additional people would partner with this ministry financially (monthly, quarterly or yearly) so that we can be 100% funded (right now we sit at about 80%). Pray also for our families as we prepare to say goodbye for a year.

Thanks so much for your prayers,
Micah and Marla

ps. The picture shows that it wasn't all meetings and eatings (Marla won this particular round)

******************"Chasing Rabbits" Cliffnotes*************************************************************** ***
This email discussed some things that God taught me durring the week of training a OMS confrence in Indiana that Marla and I just returned from. It brushed on a few of the details of training and confrence, but stuck mainly to the lesson I learned.
One of the guys that preached made a statement "the problem in chasing two rabbits, is that you don't catch either one." For me one rabbit was the American dream, and one rabbit was God's plans for our lives. I had my reasons according to man's wisdom why I should have both. God asked me to give up one. Reluctantly I recommitted myself fully to His purpose. The funny thing is the next day, there was more of a spring in my step, and a passion that I hadn't known for a while was returning. Just like the parable of the sower who spread his seed amung thorny groung, it's amazing how the cares of this world can choke out what is truely important. It was great to refocus on what truely matters, and have my passion return.
Please pray for 1.) for us to be fully funded. we need about 20% more monthly support. 2.) Marla's visa to come through.
Thanks
M&M
ps. The picture shows that it wasn't all meetings and eatings (Marla won this particular round)
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