Jan 9, 2008 - Fear and Future

***********Fear and Future cliffnotes available at page bottom*******************

It was supposed to be one of the conversations that would bring clarity. One that would bring focus, and confirmation, but when it ended, I was left with more questions that when we begun. More questions, and yet small, growing excitement at the potential.

When God first called me to follow Him, I resisted. I didn't resist His salvation. I didn't resist the cross, that is a free gift given to all who will take it. What I resisted was His call for discipleship. The "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me." That's the part I didn't like. Though salvation is free, discipleship costs, and I knew that. So when God called me to follow Him, I was reluctant. In my argument with God, after I had exhausted my final reason, He trumped them all when He said to me "Micah, I'm going to do something, and you can be a part of it or not. You decide." So then and there, nearly 10 years ago, I laid down my hopes and dreams to follow Him, wherever He led. And in that moment I accepted the privilege to participate in 'something' greater than myself, 'something' of lasting significance; all the while, not knowing exactly that that 'something' would be.

So here we sit ten years later, still trying to clearly define what the 'something,' is. What that 'something' looks like in a practical way. "Please God, what is it that you want us to do? Why have you placed us here? Why have you given us these passions and abilities? What is it that you want us to do with them? Why have you allowed us to see such needs." Each question forming a piece of the puzzle of that when put together will show the will of God. But unlike most puzzles, there is no front of the box to look at, no pre-filled life resume to follow. Just the darkness of the unknown and God.

As we have been asking you pray about the generality of our future, I want to detail a little bit of the specifics of these pieces.

First is the piece of passions and abilities:
Marla and I share a deep desire for mentoring and discipleship. Although the preferred age groups are different, we both like to teach. She likes working with the children, and I like working with people a little older. We also have passions and/or abilities in hospitality, contribution, the development of ideas and strategies. We also like sports and the out of doors.

The second piece of this puzzle has to do with perceived needs here where we are. On the local level, our church is growing and expanding. Marla and I have had the honor of helping to develop future leaders, and starting some new ministries. As the church grows and becomes more and more established, we would love to stay where we are, lending a hand where needed as we have been doing these past two years. On a national level, the denomination that our local church is a part of has been undergoing major revitalization. We have a strong leader with a clear vision, and much work to do to accomplish that vision. The name of the denomination is "Missionary Church," and as of yet, have not sent one missionary to another country. In my experience there is little of a mission mindset in the general population of these churches. This needs to change. The denomination, that is around 50 years old, is a healthy denomination. But one sign of health is reproduction, and as of yet has not reproduced, or even had much of a desire to reproduce what was done here in another country. I look around me and see a generation of potential missionaries. Missionaries that could have great impact on the planet, they just need to be woken up.

I also see great need within OMS Brazil in the next 3 to 5 years. In 2 years the current field leader will retire. The next missionary family in terms of seniority is returning on furlough with uncertain plans of their return. What this means in terms of field leadership and direction, and how it relates specifically to us, I don't know...but the need isn't hard to see.

Combined with these other two pieces are the counsel of friends and supervisors, the prayers of you all, and the peace of God. Hopefully we'll be able to present a clear vision of what we'll be doing in Brazil when we are in the states this spring for furlough. (by the way if you’d like to have us visit you, your church, small group, friends…and share about Brazil, let us know…) But I won't lie, there is fear in the unknown. There is the part of us that screams for the security. A safer plan that doesn't have so many "what if's." A plan where we would know where Samara would grow up. A plan that would know if we were to paint a wall today like we want to that we'd be able to enjoy it for years to come. A plan where we'd finally be able to unpack all of our boxes...for good. But I don't know if that is what God has for us. But I know where He has brought us. And I know 'how' He has brought us. Though it has not been easy, He has brought us to a good place. And we have to trust, in a very practical way, that His plans are for our good. To give a hope and a future.

I see our empty suitcases sitting in our storage room almost every day. They serve as an ominous reminder that where we are is only temporary. That one day, very soon, we'll be traveling again. We'll be packing up our things in boxes and filling our suitcases. We'll be living from a car and from the houses of our parents. We'll be without our own space or routine heading into a future that is uncertain. A future who's plans are based on perceptions and speculations. And I guess fear will always surround uncertainty. But it is what we do with this fear that will mark our lives. I was reading a book recently that was dealing with this issue of fear. It used the example of a little girl learning to swim. On the side of the pool, with her toes over the edge stands a little girl trying to decide what she is going to do. Her father is in the pool with open arms waiting to catch her. She knows he is there, but can he be trusted. Surely there will be water that goes up her nose. Surely the water will be cold, and what if he looses his grip on her. The decision that she makes standing on the edge of the pool has consequences. If she jumps, she'll find that her father can be trusted. She'll find the water is cold, but not too cold. And the next times she finds herself on the edge of a pool, she is more likely to jump. If she backs away now, and lets her fear dominate her, the next time she is at the edge of a pool, she is more likely to once again be dominated by that same fear. The decision has consequences both ways.

For those of you who knew me growing up, you know I rarely let my fear keep me from jumping into any body of water (not necessarily a good thing). But as I have gotten older, it gets harder to make such decisions. When I got married, I was no longer living just for myself, I had my wife to consider. And now that I'm a father, I have my family and their security to think about. But I cannot loose that edge. God did not create me to be dominated or ruled by fear. As God was with me when I was single, so He is with us now. As He provided for me then, so He will provide for us in the uncertainty of the future. I have to fight to keep fear from having a foothold.

There is one fear, however, I never hope to loose. A fear that has served as a motivation for me for the last 10 years. It is the fear in the knowledge that one day I will have to give account for what I have done with what was entrusted to me. One day God will ask me what I have done for Him with what he has given me. And in that day, packing boxes and interest rates won't mean a thing. I want to be found faithful. I want to hear Him say "well done."

As far as prayer requests…. Between writing the previous paragraph and this paragraph, I jumped on-line to check how Marla’s application process was going on her permanent visa. After typing in the necessary protocol numbers we found that her visa had been denied. Hmmmm, now what? After checking, and re-checking that what saw was right, we drove down to the federal police to ask them what we could do. They said we could pay a big fee and contest the denial, or we could start again, and this time apply for permanency for Marla on the basis of Samara being a Brazilian (and Marla being her mom). They also said that these type of visas should be pretty much automatic, but it still means waiting another 4-6 (based on our previous experiences) for the visa to be processed and approved. So that may back up our original plans of being in the States mid-April. Anyway prayer for this process would be appreciated. We would also ask for prayer for the arranging of all the details while we are in the States, as well as wisdom on how to arrange for our absence from Brazil. This includes everything from packing, housing rental agreements, to preparing the ministries we are involved in to function without our presence.

We are trusting God for His timing and guidance and thanking you for your prayers and involvement in our lives and this ministry.

in Him, for Him
Micah and Marla

Ps. The first picture is of me leading a bible study group that we have on Saturday nights. The second picture is of Marla teaching in one of the Sunday school classes, and the third is a picture we had thought to send out as a Christmas card…better late than never

***********Fear and Future Cliffnotes*************************************
This email followed our last few months quest to find out what God wants us to do in terms of a long-term future. We had thought we were nearing an answer when a couple of conversations opened our eyes to a reality and a need we hadn’t previously seen. Instead of focusing down, we got a bigger perspective. It’s kind of exciting, and yet kind of scary at the same time. The rest of this email was a commentary on how we handle fear. The decisions we make when faced with a difficult situation have consequences. If we raise to the challenge, the next time we are challenged we are more likely to raise yet again. But if we shrink back because of fear, fear can get a foothold, and dominate our future decisions. Our prayer requests our more for our future. Marla’s permanent visa, our furlough plans, and wrapping up things here. Thanks for your prayers and support
********************************************************************